The Storyteller - the wit and wisdom of Frank Coughlin
I had thought about just posting this picture but then I thought , hey, I used the dog ate my . . . . yesterday. But yesterday I did not have a headache like I do now. The point is - if you ever are lucky enough to get a writing assignment that pays and you do what I do - wait till the last second - you had better practice you excuses.
My mother taught me not to lie but what did she know ? I'll tell what she knew - she knew that excuses can be checked out - such as x-rays for the dog to prove it ate the hard drive. What works better than excuses is alibis.
The great part of alibis is not only does it get you off the hook - it puts the blame on someone else. For instance, you say "I was in the kitchen when I heard a crunching noise coming from the den where my computer is - I ran in only to find Fluffy with the mouse in his mouth, clicking away. In horror, I realized he MUST have deleted my great blog entry. (note the use of the word MUST - just a subtle hint that I could not  deleted the blog entry myself (even if it did ever exist).
Of course, if your employer does not buy your alibi - then you must roll out the big guns. A superbly tall tale which shows off your creative genius (at this time, you need to show Ms. Money bags there is a reason that she is paying you to sleep all day. ) Luckily, I just happen to have a good one.
One day, lets say yesterday, my nephew says in a whiny voice that he wants whatever the gumball machine next to us has. Only one dollar in quarters. Get it, get it, get it - he says one hundred thousand times - Finally, I get it. Of course, he looks at it for several nano-seconds and then moves on to the next thing. What it was (and still is) is a magic ring. I know this because I put it on just to spite the little tyke. Once I did, a genii popped out of thin air and told me that I had three wishes.
For the first wish, I wished for a thousand wishes. The genii laughed and said granted and that I now had only two wishes that would come true. I then asked the genii for a good excuse for not doing my blog post today. He gave me an ear splitting migraine headache and said that it will last all day.
Now I said I am not sure if this will get the job done, after all, it will only last all day. I told him I really needed a story that I can use anytime and people will always think it is original and wonderful and will keep giving me lots of money to sleep all day once they hear it.
But now I must stop and sleep because I have a headache.


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